Category Archives: Liver Donation

The Strength of My Wife…

An Easy Decision within Eight Seconds…

Sobbing and unable to speak clearly, I mustered out what I could. “It isn’t going to work hunny. My liver is not a match. I will die if we try. Or I will be put on the transplant list immediately.” She was silent and as shocked as I was. We were both devastated.

Finding the strength to say the ultimate curveball I went for it unsure how she would respond. I explained, “Hunny there is something I want to tell you. They said I could be a match for a pediatric child who needs a liver donation. A child who isn’t going to make it.” Anxiously I prepared for her response.

Would she disagree? Would she be hesitant for a stranger? Would it be emotionally just too much after going through everything we’ve been through in trying to save my mom? What would she say? I knew I couldn’t force a decision like this. We needed to be unified.

Her blunt and quick response to this new twist in our story illustrates why I love this woman more than any other on this planet. It was a response born out of conviction, boldness, and deep compassion. With zero hesitation she said, “Of course we can do this. This is the Gospel of Jesus.” I said, “That’s exactly what I thought! I have zero hesitation. I just wanted to confirm with you.”

And that was it. We took a mutual deep breath and said, “Ok… we are doing this.” The decision took a whole 8 seconds for us. Call it foolish, reckless, or unwise (as some have). We call it compassion and following the path God laid before us. A life is a life and all life is precious.

Some Background… 

In this post I want to give some background to Michelle whom I have the esteemed honor of calling my wife. Michelle has always been my best friend and soul mate. However, through our 13 years of marriage I have given an abundance of reasons for Michelle to throw in the towel. Not because of infidelity or abuse. But rather the quirks and challenges of me as a human being. I have not been an easy man to be married to and walk beside. I will gladly admit that.

Before getting married I never dealt with many of the issues which both blinded and stalled my development. Issues I was bringing in as baggage. There were bags stacked upon bags. Because of this I was always stunted in my ability to communicate and articulate my own emotions.

Along with this I have always had a fear that I would be forgotten, abandoned, or that those I love will walk out of my life. Sadly, it has been Michelle who has born the brunt of so many of these unfortunate parts of my insecure identity. Through counseling and lots of prayer as well as mentors by my side I have grown as a man and husband. But the journey hasn’t always been easy.And through it all, she never gave up on me. Not once.

A Radical Table Flipper

This is one of my all time favorite pictures. Her shirt says it all: “REBEL.” Our decor in the backround says, “Love one another as I have loved you.” -Jesus

A little more about my wife and then back to our journey and her role in this story:

Michelle is a fierce and reckless follower of Jesus. But sadly she has often been misunderstood. She is not the cookie cutout, Beth Moore Bible Study loving, etsy shop opening, clean mouth straight laced Betty Crocker type. No offense to any who are. That just isn’t Michelle. To be fair, that isn’t me either. But what she is, to me at least, is as close a representation to the Historical Jesus you can get barring some of the obvious differences (beard, gender, Arabic skin tone, ability to speak Hebrew).

When I think of Jesus this is what I see and read: Jesus was a table flipping, wine making/drinking, “righteous-anger” driven, justice loving, people supporting kind of man. He didn’t give injustice the time of day. He wanted it dealt with yesterday. He longed for Gods Kingdom to come in the dark and dangerous places. Where there was no way, he found a way. Where there was a wrong, he sought to bring the Kingdom of God to make it right. His entire mission and drive in life was “other’s focused.”

I see so much of that when I see my wife and our marriage. She (and we) goes where others will not go. She refuses to give up on anyone who needs hope. She will have the time of her life with the unbeliever who is raw versus the professional Christians who’s noses reach the heavens. She will gladly spend more time with an excluded individual who is struggling to find community because of their LGBTQ+ sexuality and being ostracized because of it. Versus the one who has the squeaky clean life with a perfect “Quiet Time” record who just finished the latest podcast of Steven Furtick, while sipping a latte, and listening to Hillsong Worship. Once more, to be fair, that goes for the both of us.

She’s been told she is a “badass.” Multiple times by multiple people. We aren’t sure if it was meant to be a compliment but we both took it as such. When we see Jesus in the Gospels was he not also “badass?” I too have been called a badass but she takes the cake. Easily.

She will put herself in situations no one else would, to see something happen which no one else could. Whether its personal danger, a risky situation, or something that would be offensive to the safe and comfortable religious folks—if it glorifies Jesus and brings value to a person; she’s doing it. Even if the “scared, comfortable, and/or lukewarm” warn her otherwise.

She’s real, loves likes a good glass of wine and will most definitely curse if it’s the only appropriate word. Lets be real. Sometimes no other word will due. She will give everything she has to embody Jesus in this life. One time we discussed how each of us would want to be remembered. She communicated in her typical way. She said, “I just want to be remembered to loving Jesus and loving people. Actually, making an impact.” Simple. Brief. Non-flashy. Christ-centered. Did I mention she loves Pac and Biggie?

That’s a really simple snapshot of Michelle. She is a passionate Christian and walks the talk. But it has been her actions this past year which have made this recent decision easy.

This is a picture of our 75+ other children. Michelle, our dear friend Kelli Cary, and a dedicated staff lead this ministry. It exists to reach children and youth in extreme poverty as well as broken families to give them a second chance. To emerge from where they are to go places they never dreamed! This is Michelle’s heart and passion. There she is in the middle with the Santa hat on. This is our Christmas party. Not all of our roster is present.

When Life and Ministry Got Rough…

Five months ago we experienced serious turmoil in the church we lead. We both love leading our church. However, we both loathe church drama and politics. Our passion is leading a church to accomplish the things Jesus accomplished. During this time, we had lies being spread about us, our marriage, me personally, and so on. We saw actions from Christians that you wouldn’t expect as followers of Jesus. We had people we loved (and always will) leaving us right and left. They walked out of our lives quickly and swiftly. It hurt deeply.

Thankfully, Gods love and grace carried us through to a place of healing and confidence moving forward. We only see what is ahead and what is ahead excites us more than ever. We couldn’t be more excited to lead our church following this journey of recovery. God has huge things in store for our city.

But it was in this season of loneliness and pain that I broke down. One night in our garage by our wood stove I began sobbing. It was just too much. I was ready to walk away from all of it. Michelle walked over to me. She gently placed her hands on my shoulders and began to pray over me. She will never know how her words brought tremendous healing in my life. This pattern would repeat for some time. Even when I was difficult towards her—her approach never changed. Always loving and full of grace. She was an extension of the love of Jesus when I felt the furthest away from Him.

It was in this same season we received the news regarding my mothers need for a liver transplant. And there through each tear and restless night Michelle was there to give me encouragement and help me/us stay focused on solutions: i.e. live liver donation to save her life.

Another Chance… 

And so her response on the phone that day in regards to this child wasn’t a surprise. That’s just who she is.

She wants a part in helping a child get a second shot at life.

A second shot at running and skinning their knees.

Another chance to run and jump high.

A shot at having a year where there are no more hospital visits, painful tests, or fear of death.  She, like myself, wants to do whatever we can to walk out the good news of Jesus Christ for this child that we do not know.

And so for all those reasons and more, I am thankful for her. She takes my breath away with her appearance. Her mind and heart are bottomless; full of wisdom and insight. Her convictions move me deeply and help me become a better human being. Her challenges lift me to new standards of excellence I didn’t know were possible. And her passion to make wrong things right in this world deeply inspires me and our three children.

If you read this long, you deserve an award. Seriously. I am straight up bragging on my wife. Kudos to you. And I admit, I think I wrote this one more for me. But to be fair, I believe every spouse ought to communicate just how much of a better human being they are because of their other half. You and I aren’t promised tomorrow. Why wait?

Honor Your Partner

Think about your partner, spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, etc.

Recognize the beauty in what they bring to the table. Honor that.

Appreciate who they are and their quirks. Keep a sense of humor.

Thank them for their contribution to your convictions and beliefs. Grow because of them.Thank them for their abundant grace and mercy that was displayed when you least deserve it. Return the favor.

At each turn through this long journey I have Michelle my wife to thank for a large part of who I am. While she hates the limelight (as well as this blog post I am sure) I knew it was still important for me to communicate to all who are following our story that I owe a lot of who I am to my best friend.

Since I have been asked many times “why are you doing this?” or “How can you do this?” I felt it would only be right to explain the other person in my life who has had equal say in this fun new adventure. She too will be carrying a large burden of this surgery and recovery.

To be clear, she would be the first to tell you she is imperfect and has a long way to go. And Who doesn’t? I know I do. But… in my eyes, as her husband and soul mate, I see a gift given to me that I will cherish forever. Someone who I am still head over heels in love with. It has always been and always will be her and I against the world. Especially these past 8 months. But shouldn’t every true marriage be this way?

Thank You… 

Thank you Michelle for helping me become a better man and Jesus follower. For being the wife I could of only dreamed of

Also, thank you in advance for the many days of pain and fussiness which surely lie ahead. I found an APP that rings with each press when I need something. So… that’ll be fun.

I love you babe.

 

 

 

 

Our Decision Through the Eyes of Our Children…

This experience of donating my liver to a child that we do not know personally has brought one interesting dynamic: communicating to our own children. For those who do not know our story you can read it in its entirety here .

Our three children look to me as their Dad who is to lead, protect, and be present for them. I will be transparent and say that I was scared at first to share this news with them in fear of how they would respond.

Would they be angry? Would they feel like they did not matter? Would they think a stranger was being placed in front of them? These and many other insecure thoughts swirled around my mind. All of that changed quickly when I sat down with each of them one by one to explain everything and to then hear their own little hearts. And each of them– in their own unique way through the lens of a child—communicated to me their fears, hopes, and raw thoughts concerning this operation for a child none of us know but are all praying for desperately.

I want to share their responses because I believe it highlights something so important for today’s world: the best parenting is and always will be through example. Michelle (who does a far better job than myself) and I both are so proud of their demeanor and outlook on what Mommy and Daddy are about to walk through. We are not the poster-child parents. We struggle and make mistakes. But they are showing us that maybe we are doing a thing or two OK. Here is their story.

Caleb Schumacher. Ten years old.

Caleb has always been our nervous one. He is always anxious and fretting about everything from a new update on Fortnite and its long length of time to getting to basketball practice on time to everything else you could imagine. And so naturally, my biggest fear was crippling anxiety that would make it really hard for him to have peace through all of this.

The day I found out I could not donate to my mom Michelle had explained to the kids. And so, when I got home they all gave me huge hugs. My eyes were swollen and red. They knew. Caleb quickly embraced me and told me it was OK, and he was proud of me anyways. It was later that night at tuck in time that I sat down with Caleb and told him how everything went down. But at the end of the conversation I said, “But Caleb, it turns out that my liver is the ideal size and shape for a child-like yourself who isn’t going to make it. A child who probably can’t run fast, jump high, or live a normal life.” I explained all the details.

And there I was… silently awaiting his response. I watched his young mind grapple with everything I told him. I could not save his Nana. He felt relief I was not going to get surgery. Now he was realizing I was going to go through with surgery. Not for Nana but now for a stranger. An unknown child. Those few seconds felt like months.

He looked at me, straight into my eyes and said, “Is this what Jesus would do?” I said, “Yea buddy. I think this is what Jesus would do.” He said, “Then we are going to do it. Wow, we get to save a child.” I immediately teared up.  Embraced him and told him how proud I was of him. I felt so good as a parent as did Michelle. Following this he did hug me tightly, cry many tears, and share his fears. He is worried I could die due to complication. He is worried about the pain. He is worried about many things that could happen to his Daddy. But none of those things were enough for him to doubt for even a second that it was the right thing to do.

Not only did he integrate his faith in Jesus into this reasoning, but he also used the plural pronoun “We” as in, “We get to save a child.” Make no mistake. That has taken years of parenting my Michelle and me.

Me and Caleb doing our nightly devotional. Studying and praying together.

For Caleb to both bring Jesus into the equation and include himself on this journey is a product of some intentional parenting Michelle and I strive for. We believe that our children are not a distraction from life but rather a gift given to be integrated into the life we are already living. And so, they serve with mommy and daddy. They help make decisions. We show and teach them Jesus each day the best we can. I teach all three something new from Scripture every most nights. We’ve done this for years. And it turns out, this is why. For moments like these.

Before I share the response of Kennedy and Camden let me give one more insight into how Michelle and I seek to raise our children. There are three things that each of our children know that matter the most. Every day I take the kids to school they repeat them back to me. For three years now we have done this. They have been the same three things. They can say them in their sleep. They are: 1) I am a Schumacher 2) I am loved, and 3) I am a follower of Jesus.

This first one means that they belong. They have a home and a family to call their own. They do not need to try to be something they aren’t to belong to another different group. This deals with their identity. The second one is clear. They are loved by us, their family, their church, their friends, and most importantly their God. And lastly, the most important, we are all followers of Jesus. Of course, one day they will need to make that decision on their own at baptism. But as children we seek to instill within them the radical love, grace, and mercy of Jesus. Turns out, it paid off in this season of our lives. Now, on to Kennedy… my princess.

Kennedy. Seven years old.

Date night for me and my girl. Yes, we sat on the same side of the table. 🙂

Kennedy has always been our most sensitive and unpredicatable one. We never know what we are going to get! That is why we love her. Among many other reasons of course. Kennedy and I have a bond that is deep and precious. When her and mommy but heads she always comes to me and I simply cannot stand against her. Her cuteness and sweetness melts me and I am powerless. And wow, the wrath of an angry wife and mom when that happens. It isn’t good. But I have yet to figure out how to overcome Kennedy’s charm. I know she has a weakness. I just haven’t found it yet.

I knew talking to her was going to be the hardest of the three. And I was right. As I sat in her bed one evening at tuck in time and explained everything to her as I shared with Caleb I awaited her response. There were no words. She did not utter any sentences. Nothing. She was looking down. She then lifted her head at me. Her eyes began to well up like a cup being filled with water. Her chin wrinkled. Her cheeks turned red. And she let it out and my heart broke.

She gasped and cried aloud and flung her arms around my neck so tight it knocked me back. I felt like a horrible parent. Here I am making a decision causing pain in my little girls heart. She sobbed and sobbed on my shoulder. And it was what she said next that brought me to tears but also encouraged me that she would be OK. She pulled herself back from my chest. From my shirt which was soaked with tears. And with her beautiful blue eyes she looked at me and said, “Daddy, I am so nervous for you. I am so scared for you. It’s going to hurt. You are going to be in pain. But it’s OK. You can do this. Its OK.” I said, “Kennedy are you sure?  Do you know why we are doing this?” She said, “We are doing it because of what we say each day right? We are followers of Jesus?” I smiled. I put my arms around her and brought her in close. And in her ear, I softly said, “Yes hunny. It’s because we are followers of Jesus.” And then she wiped her tears and gave me a smile and said, “Can you just stay and sing me a song?” And so we sang our song an extra couple times that night.

I have taken Kennedy and Caleb to the Monastery at different times together. There we will pray and we always light a candle to represent those we pray for.

Again, she brought her faith into the occasion as well as “We.” Proud moment number 2.

Camden. Four years old.

Date day with me and Cam. One of our favorite things to do: go hiking!

Well if there was ever a curve ball response waiting to come it was going to be Camden. Our 4 year-old is easily our loudest, craziest, funniest, and most precious little guy. He is a ball of light and where ever he rolls he brings joy and laughter. I have never seen a child with energy like our little Camden. If he was deprived of all sugar and sleep for even a day—he would still run circles around the greatest marathoner on the planet. That’s our Camden. He is, as I always call him, our little man of God!

The night I shared this with Kennedy and Caleb was rough. An emotional day for all of us. Well, Camden heard Kennedy’s crying. He knew something was up. He barged in like 8 times while I was talking and singing to Kennedy. He likes to do that often. Even on mommy and daddy. Even at 1, 2, 3, 4 in the morning. It’s kinda “his thing.”

Well when it was his turn I came in and explained everything to him on his level. I wish I had such an in depth and spiritually earth-shattering response to write about. But I don’t. However, it was his response that I think I will remember the most. After sharing everything to him he just laid there. I knew he was thinking about everything. Trying to make sense of it all. I made sure he understood I was going to be just fine. That I wasn’t going to die or but that the surgery was still extremely serious and some risks were  involved. We do two things in our house really well: transparency and honesty.

This is in the middle of an actual Christmas play. Camden decided it would be the ideal time to act like a monkey.

And so after a few seconds of quiet reflecting I just asked him, “Are you OK with this buddy? Do you understand?” He turned his head up at me and said one priceless sentence.

He said, “Sure Daddy. You’ll be fine. But Daddy? Will you please play Minecraft with me tomorrow? I want to build something with you.”

“Sure buddy. You and I will play tons of Minecraft and build something awesome.”

“Ok Daddy. Love you. Goodnight!” I’ll take it. 🙂

Christmas 2018

Imperfect Parents Doing the Best We Can

Michelle and I are not perfect parents by any means. We have our struggles. Too many electronics. Not firm on limits. Too messy at the dinner table. Late bed times. “What’s that? Haven’t been to the dentist in a while? Ahhh!” Havent bathed in two nights? The list goes on. We are imperfect parents doing the best we can. But the one thing I will say about Michelle and I is we have never ceased from magnifying what matters most to them. And forever they will know what matters most:

They are loved.

They are Schumachers.

They are Followes of Jesus.

We hate the Michigan Wolverines.

I encourage you parents out there. If you want to aim at being the best at something; make sure its your example of love, compassion, and the teachings of Jesus as imperfectly as you can.

The response of our children has blessed us greatly. The response of my wife Michelle however, is what has moved me in ways she will never know. More on that soon.

Thanks everyone.

#EverybodyAlways #GoAndDoLikewise